All I can hope for.

It's true happiness that I feel right now. I feel like I have actual friends, an actual life, and actual sense of responsibility. I can do what I want when I need to and I have the ability to be myself. I've let go of my unrealistic dream of a guy for the winter because that's not really what I want at all; I'm waiting for the real thing. So when that comes along, great. Until then, I'm good just being independent.
I've been going to the gym for a week now and I feel so much better about myself. I had a crappy band test today which made last night horrible and dreadful. I did well and today was great afterwards. I need to step it up, though. I need to stop being so lethargic and be the best I can be. I don't want to be left behind and I won't be. I work just as hard as the next person and still make time for me. That's all we can really hope to accomplish in these high school years, right?
Black Friday is next week and I am so excited. I love Thanksgiving, I love the traditional sleepover and then the next morning waking up at 4 in the morning shopping until we run out of money. The best thing about it all is the money goes towards other people; the people we love. It's a day of christmas shopping for christmas! Isn't it crazy? Christmas is already here. Soon enough I'll be a high school graduate. It's all so surreal but I'm really enjoying the journey.
Life is so up and down but right now I'm making sure I move gracefully through each of the spectrums. I've been thinking a lot of the past lately but maybe we need to come to terms with the past in order to move on for the future. I feel like I am finally gaining some perspective on myself and how I react to different things. I think so often now and I am often lost in my own thoughts. I can't say I mind it, though.
"Hearts aren't practical until they are made unbreakable." I don't know if hearts were meant to be emotionally practical. The beauty of life is feeling such strong emotions. Without the bad ones they wouldn't make the good ones so rewarding.

Is It Myth?

I think we all just want to be wanted; need to wanted. I want someone to find me so significant that they show me what it means to be so in love. We all just want hope that we can endure our own epic love story. At least I do.
When does true love take over all subject matter? Is that merely a myth? Or does true love navigate your morality to do whatever you need in order to get that person? Do guys actually drive to your house with a boombox on their shoulders blasting your song? Do they show up randomly to give one single flower of your favorite to see you smile? Do they really grab you into a passionate kiss and you feel like you felt the Earth move? Does this love exist?
I wish and hope and wonder where these guys are. They are hidden and I am not looking very hard to find them. I am always the one in the chase. I deserve to be chased; I deserve to be wooed; I deserve to be swept off of my feet. I believe that one day that special guy will take my heart captive and I will be in love again. I'm counting on it... because I feel like I have lost my true ability to love. When our hearts are emotionally crippled do they ever become whole again? I think so. I think that true love mends all wounds.
And I am still sitting here waiting for my epic love, my epic love story, and my wounded heart to be made whole again.